Life in the army they say is mighty fine...

A big house with a spacious terrace, wide open area, well manicured lawns, golf course right across, a movie hall in the vicinity besides the canteen and hospital facilities, this is where an Indian army officer, in general, dwells. There are clubs providing the forces' kids recreation. You get a phone, a vehicle and a helper. Not to mention the free ration. You also get rail tickets annually for visiting your home town. Could one possibly ask for more? 'No', you say, but then WHY THE HELL is the army looking at stacks of premature retirement applications piling up higher than the Petronas Towers?!

Well read the fine print... in the correct font size! The huge, beautiful, golf course facing house is given, but subject to availability. That is, the smaller the station , the greater your chances of getting a house. But it's not as if you'll be on the streets during the waiting period! You'll be given a room or two immediately. After a couple of months you'll be given a small house (it could be facing the golf course), and then by the time you are ready to move to the next station, you'll get your dream house. But wait, did you check for seepage on the walls? If you didn't, be warned! It is something the M.E.S has still not found a cure for! And please don't complain about packing and unpacking, that's what the pretty wife is for! Moreover she has help at hand...our helper.

About whom the lesser said, the better. They'll dust the house for you and reassemble everything broken to pieces, in exactly the same way as it was, when you had so lovingly bought it and carefully packed after each tenure. You give them stale rotis to be given to the stray 'gai' grazing outside, he gives it to Maj Ghai, your neighbour! On your way out you ask him to take off the cooker after two whistles, he comes running to ask if you're going out who will whistle??!

And while the pretty wife is packing unpacking, she has to fulfill her obligations towards the army. After all she is using the unit vehicle and using the services of a helper, what is she doing in return? So make her dance however unfit and double left footed she might be. Sing, act, compere, model or whatever it is that catches the senior lady's fancy. And God forbid if she actually happens to be talented! That would spell doom for any career prospects that she might have. "Tell her to leave her job, isn't her husband important for her?"! And oh! she also has to teach pickle making and other antiquated things to wives of jawans, who by the way are more educated than we'd like them to be.

Last, only because the article would otherwise be too big to read, is the free ration. Eggs the size that require to be doubled when measuring for cakes, etc. Rice that needs to be half the required quantity because of its thickness. You feel satiated just on seeing them! The time for pressure cooking the dals would have to be doubled owing to its solid nature. One thing given in large quantities and good quality, just before expiry, is cheese. Amul cheese tins, you could build a jersey cow each month out of the cheese!

I won't discuss the technical aspects of being an officer who is moving out faster than a jersey cow to greener pastures! But its sad. My father was in the army, who took premature retirement. Both my brothers were in the army. One has recently hung his uniform prematurely. I got married in the army, adamantly refusing getting married anywhere else. Last year I prayed that my husband's application for early retirement gets through as early as possible! And we celebrated the night he got the final approval...